Thursday, June 17, 2010

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project - A List

An excellent list from my semester study Women's History years ago. The sheet that it came on was really worn and old, obviously Xeroxed a hundreds of times. So I took the time to re-write it in Word.

I know that no one likes to admit that these things do happen. I just hope that if you do know someone, let them know that there is support. Share this with them. This refers to men as well. Domestic abuse happens to either gender.
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
206 West Fourth Street
Duluth, Minnesota 55606

An Open System Based on Equality & Liberation

- SUPPORT: Listening to you non-judgmentally. Being emotionally affirming and understanding. Valuing your opinions.
- TRUST: Supporting your goals in life. Respecting your right to your own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
- ACCEPTANCE OF RESPONSIBILITY: Accepting responsibility for behaviors and attitudes. Acknowledging past use of violence. Admitting being wrong.
- AFFIRMING RELATIONSHIPS: Developing open and genuine relationships with other people and self. Honor your right to privacy. Respecting family and friends.
- NON-THREATENING BEHAVIOR: Taking action so that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself and doing things. Being sensitive to others needs and preferences.
- SHARED PARTNERSHIP: Mutually agreeing on fair distribution of responsibilities. Making decisions together. There is not a “right” way to do things. Supporting your choices. Flexibility in roles.
- ECONOMIC JUSTICE: Supporting you in your decisions about work, school and money. Who pays for something should not be an issue about indebtedness or expectations.
- EMOTIONAL HONESTY: Partner lets you know when they feel afraid, insecure, etc. Communicating unhappiness. Sharing fears.
- SEXUAL EXPRESSION: Accepting that “no” means “no”. Asking, not expecting. Caring about partner’s sexual needs and wants. Sharing birth control responsibility.
- PHYSICAL SAFETY: Staying in touch with own needs and motivations. Respecting partner’s physical space. Expressing self non-violently.

A Closed System Based on Patriarchy

- EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Calling you names. Playing mind games. Making you feel bad about yourself. Putting down things you are proud of. Not respecting your needs or wants.
- ISOLATION: Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, where you go. Moving away from friends and loved ones.
- USE OF OTHERS: Using friends, parents and/or children to relay messages. Abusing or threatening to abuse pets. Being charming in public, but switching when you are alone.
- MINIMIZATION, DENIAL & BLAME: Making light of the abuse. “Well at least I didn’t hit you.”. Not taking your concerns about it seriously. Shifting reason for abusive behavior onto you, “You’re too sensitive.”
- THREATS & INTIMIDATION: Making threats to you hurt you, leave you, commit suicide, tell your friends you are crazy. Putting you in fear with looks and actions destroying your property warning you – you may be next.
- MALE PRIVILEGE: Treating you like a servant. Abuser’s way is always the “right” way. Defining roles in the relationship. Goes out with own friends but you can’t go out with yours.
- ECONOMIC ABUSE: Preventing you from getting or keeping a job. Making you ask for money. Paying for something and holding it against you later.
- USE OF EMOTIONS: Using jealously, depression, insecurity, anger, passion, frustration, stress to justify actions, “I just want you to be all mine.”. “Help me I’m hurting.”. “I just lost control.”.
- SEXUAL ABUSE: Teasing you about your body part. Treating you like a sex object. Manipulating you to do sexual things when you do not want to. Making you feel “dirty”.
- PHYSICAL ABUSE: Pulling hair. Slapping. Pushing. Hitting. Choking. Kicking. Grabbing. Using weapons. Twisting arms. Tripping. Biting. Spitting. Restraining. Standing over you.

So much has happened!

So the life of this photographer has changed. Turkey was a life altering experience I will never forget. Not only did I had a wonderful experience, I became engaged to the friend I had traveled with. Congrats to me! woot!

It was absolutely not a "love at first sight". We had already known each other. It ended up being one of those, we knew that we were each other's halves. I feel really blessed, finally knowing that my soul mate was somewhere on this world looking for me. Nobody ever said that my other half had to be from here.

Love truly has no limits or boundaries.